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Sunday, 22 November 2009

I need to jot this now.. too many thoughts in my little brain now.
I am not satisfied with how the microwave cooks my dumpling.. and thus, I am going to try second round.
*notice now it is the microwave faults and not mine..although technically, i am the one to be blamed for not putting in enough water * nuff said.
i love kimchee mandu.. it is sooo good..and it is way cheaper than smelly pork dumplings. i think i can survive on just kimchee mandu for weeks.

I think cfa is really killing..me
personally..if you think actuarial science exam is hard... HOHOHOO...wait till you take cfa..especially when you are like me, very quant.. and cfa has just sooo sooo many materials to study and memorize..not formulas but facts and theories.
should i make myself happy by telling myself that i think i lost some weight due to the stress..
nonetheless.. 2 more weeks and I am done!
i feel that i have studied enough..and yet not enough. i went through all the materials..and i thought i know everything..but really..i know nothing.
rambles.

sigh..for once.. i have a small regret.. really small and immaterial.
.. i splurged on something that..maybe i shouldn't have.. i bought a black leather hand bag.. but really..the design is way too mature for me.. and i could have use the same amount of money or even lesser and get a lv or gucci..
my argument.. lv and gucci ..not all are made in Italy. and certainly not pure leather.
but really.. the only reason is that i thought i would be happier after shopping. but nope. not until cfa is over.
on the other hand.. i am loving my new wallet. although.. the new wallet is thinner now..and i mean..LITERALLY.
no more shopping for 1 year.
i rest my case.
.
.
.
.

bye. toot.

Monday, 16 November 2009

i thought that.. i would never step into this page ever again...
I am not happy. not happy at all. I thought.. i am ..

something is missing. i thought that it isn't important. but it is.
i tried to ignore it. telling myself. it will be fine. time flies.
no. people only say 'time flies' after they have been through it. not while they are in it.
i thought. i thought. too many thoughts and they are all not helpful.

i wish to go home...

Monday, 27 April 2009

This is hilarious. I was just browsing the net and somehow rather, I found myself in this Malaysian celebrity blog. Very pretty chinese girl with perfect skin and body and hair and just everything.
And so, I was just navigating around her website and saw a few clips of video from the local channel.
She's a VJ btw.
Andd...the moment she speaks..* I literally fell down from the chair.*
OMG.. She has perfect english.. well articulated.. TOO WELL that her accent is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy toooooo fakkkeee..
You can hear all the T and R and just soo annoying.
and of course..with a little of "bersyarahan" accent... Or maybe I should say..Chinese style of bersyarahan.
I need to find a kamus/dictionary to translate the word "syarahan".
Well, according to Cari.com.. syarahan means lecture....=.="

Anyway.. when she interviews guests, she does not have that weird accent..
It only happens when she narrates the summary/intro/epilogue of the episode.
Trust me.. it is worst than Malaysian accent.. At least, Malaysian accent is pure and natural.. ahah.
Malaysia boleh
Really..been a while since I blogged about my life..besides all the emo talk and work-shit-crap.
Anyway..
I had a really wonderful weekend..which all started on Friday night.
I had company dinner in Scottish Rite Consistory in downtown. It was fabulous. They'd invited 2 awesome pianists from a pianobar in East Village..and the best part==> we had free wine tasting during cocktail hours...
and even better..
Free bottles of wine on every table for everyone.
I took 2 bottles..because I am just that greedy. haha..The organizer would have taken it back anyway cause not many people took the bottle.
I took a dessert wine and a dry wine. Not a big fan of dessert wine really, so most likely going to share it with people who really can appreciate them. I personally prefer drier wine with richer and heavier texture.

After that, we headed down to Court Ave for Drake Relays....with sweaty armpits, ruined makeup and oily hair.
Definitely not to forget, my very sore-feet. I was with my 3 inches heels whole day...!!
Dropped by the club and goodness gracious.. it was soo hot and humid and and and.. I couldn't even breathe when I was dancing in the dance floor.. Just soooooo bad.. As bad as a Sauna.

My Saturday was even better.. I pampered myself with my bed and my room...Part of the reasons was that my feet was sooo sore that I couldn't walk. =.=" I was just laying around.. till a point that I lost track of time. By the time I checked the clock..it was already 9pm...
See.. I have been constantly eating the whole day that I did not feel the hunger.

Wasn't aware of the rain on Saturday too .. boohoo..
Sunday.. Church and shopping..and cleaning.
It is a good thing that I have housekeeping service every Monday.. it forces me to clean my room on Sunday..because obviously. I have to clean up my piles of clothes so that the maid can dusts the room.

Sunday, 26 April 2009

Had a dream last night..

Ernest Hoffman, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Newton Wellesley Hospital in Boston, Mass., suggests that "...a possible (though certainly not proven) function of a dream to be weaving new material into the memory system in a way that both reduces emotional arousal and is adaptive in helping us cope with further trauma or stressful events.

Indeed, it hurts so much that I could not bare to face it. I've been avoiding it. so much so that it forces its way through my imaginary world.

Something I've learned/discovered.. or maybe I knew that long ago, just never has the guts to admit it..
I say mean things when I am hurt.
I see myself and the whole situation from a total different perspective in the dream. I see it as an audience... an outsider.. third party.
And yet, I still feel the pain. Not only as an audience, but I also feel the pain for him and I.

An agony of doubts. Things that I believe it is mine, I want them and I need them. Ignoring all the other factors like.. maybe I do not get along with it or I am sensitive towards it.

I refuse to shed a single tear on this matter anymore. Because I believe we are meant for each other. I need more time. I need more time to adjust to the whole new you and I. I refuse to have doubts on the decision we made together 3 years ago. I refuse to break the promise I've made to myself since 17. My pride do not allow me to do so.