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Monday, 27 April 2009

This is hilarious. I was just browsing the net and somehow rather, I found myself in this Malaysian celebrity blog. Very pretty chinese girl with perfect skin and body and hair and just everything.
And so, I was just navigating around her website and saw a few clips of video from the local channel.
She's a VJ btw.
Andd...the moment she speaks..* I literally fell down from the chair.*
OMG.. She has perfect english.. well articulated.. TOO WELL that her accent is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy toooooo fakkkeee..
You can hear all the T and R and just soo annoying.
and of course..with a little of "bersyarahan" accent... Or maybe I should say..Chinese style of bersyarahan.
I need to find a kamus/dictionary to translate the word "syarahan".
Well, according to Cari.com.. syarahan means lecture....=.="

Anyway.. when she interviews guests, she does not have that weird accent..
It only happens when she narrates the summary/intro/epilogue of the episode.
Trust me.. it is worst than Malaysian accent.. At least, Malaysian accent is pure and natural.. ahah.
Malaysia boleh
Really..been a while since I blogged about my life..besides all the emo talk and work-shit-crap.
Anyway..
I had a really wonderful weekend..which all started on Friday night.
I had company dinner in Scottish Rite Consistory in downtown. It was fabulous. They'd invited 2 awesome pianists from a pianobar in East Village..and the best part==> we had free wine tasting during cocktail hours...
and even better..
Free bottles of wine on every table for everyone.
I took 2 bottles..because I am just that greedy. haha..The organizer would have taken it back anyway cause not many people took the bottle.
I took a dessert wine and a dry wine. Not a big fan of dessert wine really, so most likely going to share it with people who really can appreciate them. I personally prefer drier wine with richer and heavier texture.

After that, we headed down to Court Ave for Drake Relays....with sweaty armpits, ruined makeup and oily hair.
Definitely not to forget, my very sore-feet. I was with my 3 inches heels whole day...!!
Dropped by the club and goodness gracious.. it was soo hot and humid and and and.. I couldn't even breathe when I was dancing in the dance floor.. Just soooooo bad.. As bad as a Sauna.

My Saturday was even better.. I pampered myself with my bed and my room...Part of the reasons was that my feet was sooo sore that I couldn't walk. =.=" I was just laying around.. till a point that I lost track of time. By the time I checked the clock..it was already 9pm...
See.. I have been constantly eating the whole day that I did not feel the hunger.

Wasn't aware of the rain on Saturday too .. boohoo..
Sunday.. Church and shopping..and cleaning.
It is a good thing that I have housekeeping service every Monday.. it forces me to clean my room on Sunday..because obviously. I have to clean up my piles of clothes so that the maid can dusts the room.

Sunday, 26 April 2009

Had a dream last night..

Ernest Hoffman, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Newton Wellesley Hospital in Boston, Mass., suggests that "...a possible (though certainly not proven) function of a dream to be weaving new material into the memory system in a way that both reduces emotional arousal and is adaptive in helping us cope with further trauma or stressful events.

Indeed, it hurts so much that I could not bare to face it. I've been avoiding it. so much so that it forces its way through my imaginary world.

Something I've learned/discovered.. or maybe I knew that long ago, just never has the guts to admit it..
I say mean things when I am hurt.
I see myself and the whole situation from a total different perspective in the dream. I see it as an audience... an outsider.. third party.
And yet, I still feel the pain. Not only as an audience, but I also feel the pain for him and I.

An agony of doubts. Things that I believe it is mine, I want them and I need them. Ignoring all the other factors like.. maybe I do not get along with it or I am sensitive towards it.

I refuse to shed a single tear on this matter anymore. Because I believe we are meant for each other. I need more time. I need more time to adjust to the whole new you and I. I refuse to have doubts on the decision we made together 3 years ago. I refuse to break the promise I've made to myself since 17. My pride do not allow me to do so.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

6 years.
When you are done with your Phd.. I will be done with all my exams too!!
That's the promise that I give myself and myself
Love you babe..

Sigh.. Just listed down all my exams..and if without failing any exams.. I should be done with CFA and SOA by 2014...
Giving myself up to 2015...just in case.. fail any one of them.
Sounds sooo far away.

Someone asked me.. why am I rushing? since really.. I am only 21. okay.. to be exact.. I will be 21.5 in the next 2 hours!!!!
Hey..happy half birthday to myself.. ;p
21.5 ==> I like this number.
Back to the topic..
Why am I rushing? and here's my answer:
I have no idea... People that I am currently working with are brilliant. Investment strategies.. one after another and for once, I feel small. really small.
May have mentioned this before but I need to restate the reason why I feel so small/inferior.
Everyone on the trading floor has at least an MBA..or even PHD. only me.. the odd one.. sticking out like a BIG SORE THUMB.
They speak Greeks. Smart greeks with lots of volatility.. * I am not making sense*
How not to feel small?????!?!?!?!?!?

I felt the stress on my very first day as derivative analyst... More so when I know.. I really need at least a MBA to be able to trade...
What troubles have I gotten myself into..
A steep learning curve that I once thought I could easily handle. I was wrong.
Now, I am going to conquer this curve! I am going to prove that I was right, am right and will always be right!