Had a dream last night..
Ernest Hoffman, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Newton Wellesley Hospital in Boston, Mass., suggests that "...a possible (though certainly not proven) function of a dream to be weaving new material into the memory system in a way that both reduces emotional arousal and is adaptive in helping us cope with further trauma or stressful events.
Indeed, it hurts so much that I could not bare to face it. I've been avoiding it. so much so that it forces its way through my imaginary world.
Something I've learned/discovered.. or maybe I knew that long ago, just never has the guts to admit it..
I say mean things when I am hurt.
I see myself and the whole situation from a total different perspective in the dream. I see it as an audience... an outsider.. third party.
And yet, I still feel the pain. Not only as an audience, but I also feel the pain for him and I.
An agony of doubts. Things that I believe it is mine, I want them and I need them. Ignoring all the other factors like.. maybe I do not get along with it or I am sensitive towards it.
I refuse to shed a single tear on this matter anymore. Because I believe we are meant for each other. I need more time. I need more time to adjust to the whole new you and I. I refuse to have doubts on the decision we made together 3 years ago. I refuse to break the promise I've made to myself since 17. My pride do not allow me to do so.
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